Day Two: Servanthood Versus People Pleasing

"If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

People pleasing is a hot commodity in America. Those people who can’t help but smile at you when they see you, not because they are happy to see you, but because they hope it will make you happy. The deciding factor of every decision of a people pleaser’s life is how those around them will perceive it. “If I do this, wear this, say this, give this, then the others will be happy.” 

Some people mistake this people pleasing focus with the Biblical “others focus” of servanthood. But they are not the same thing. It’s like mistaking a shell for a snail. To the casual observer, they may seem like the same thing, but if you pick them up and look inside, one has a living breathing organism in it, and the other is empty.

People pleasing is actually a devilish form of selfishness.  Take two friends, Jane and Kathy. Kathy is a people pleaser; Jane the person she wants to please.  The style of clothes Kathy wears are the ones she thinks will make Jane accept her, she says what she thinks Jane wants to hear, so Jane will approve of what she said, she stays up at night worrying if Jane is thinking badly of her in fear of losing their friendship. Kathy has not only made her whole life about herself, but she has made Jane’s whole life about Kathy as well! In reality, Jane probably doesn’t pay much attention to what Kathy wears or says and doesn’t rehash their interactions afterwards. But Kathy is so obsessed with herself and her own needs for acceptation, approval, and friendship, that in her mind, Jane is as obsessed with Kathy as she is with herself.

People pleasing is just a means a person takes to get her own needs met. Humans naturally crave acceptation, approval, friendship, respect, and feelings of accomplishment and worth. People pleasers go out of their way to create environments where people give them these. They perform, so they can get applause. However, this applause is never loud or long enough for them, so people pleasing becomes a vicious cycle.

Servanthood is about meeting the needs of others, not yourself. It is not about saying what Jane wants to hear, but what Jane needs to hear. It is about meeting the needs of other without thought of yourself. Often approval, respect, and feelings of worth accompany it, but they are not the motivating factor.

In Pilgrim’s Progress, Christian is shown a vision of “the enemy” (Satan) pouring water on a fire in a fireplace. No matter how much water he poured on, the fire just kept burning, sometimes it sputtered and grew dimmer, but it never went out. Then Christian’s guide took him behind the wall to the back of the fireplace. There Christian saw Jesus constantly refueling the fireplace with oil.

People who “serve” out of a selfish people pleasing motive will stop when service becomes hard, long, or unpopular because the approval of others is weak fuel that the enemy can easily douse. But those who are serving out of love of the Master and concern for others will endure. They might tire or dim for a time, but they won’t give up because the fuel of the Master’s approval can keep any fire lit.